On speaking from our own aspect of Amida

[richard meyers]

First of all, let me say that in sharing what is heart felt we must take responsibility for what we reveal of our deeper selves. Having said that, we should acknowledge speaking in this way makes us vulnerable and ought to be regarded as, in a sense 'holy ground' and at the very least, approached respectfully.

It is important that instead of responding in a reactive way,we so to speak - hold onto that thought. At the very least, we should ask for clarification.

We need to be mindfull and attentive witnesses to each others words if we are to be of assistance to one another.
My sense is that we should allow for diversity rather than the old "What are you - Celtic or Rangers?", or even a Buddhist or Christian stance. Traditionally, in India, a new person would be asked - "What is your Sadhana?" - what is your spiritual path, as a form of respectful inquiry, a means of getting to know someone.

Quakers have a beautiful term - 'Devout Listening' - I'm reminding of the 'talking stone' practice that takes place in the North London Centre. A spaciousness is encouraged around our listening. From this we are more likely to speak out of our own fragment of Amida'..our own measurelessness.

To be attached to any of the labels we give ourselves - Christian, Buddhist, or whatever, is (I believe) to be in error. First and foremest we are human-beings, and this is where a healthy spirituality takes us.

[Robert McCarthy]

hi richard and katrien, strange coincidence, i read your post last night richard and felt the same, want to talk, but not the good time then. and sometimes writing in the moment is good, sometimes good to sit a bit. we write as we live, for self and for the other. our self is there feeling the fear, wanting the good words and our love is there, sharing some light. and every time we press every key, that is how it will be. and living in some space of clarity, we accept more and more it is always this way- some wishing it to be different; in time maybe we just do it, not so much wanting some outcome, just trusting doing it in heart is all there is to do. But even looking to that later period in time is about not accepting how we are as we press the keys. satisfaction is not complacency, just acceptance of the situation. acceptance now, not some later time in our minds.

[Katrien Sercu]

Dear Richard, i read your post and i want to talk further with you here, but i have no time quiet...(i need a dictionnary what takes more time than normal). Later in the week i come back here on ning, because i appreciate this discussion very much, by reading, thinking, feeling and by finding words to write. So thank you for starting this and until some days!

[richard meyers]

Just rereading my last - I want to point out a typo: there should be a comma between 'measureless (and) as Amida' - as it stands it looks as though I am saying that 'I' am compassionate. Well perhaps I am to some extent, but what I am really alluding to is measurelessly foolish me sat here in front of this thing.
Scary stuff the writing of words, As we are discovering, there isSO much room for mistakes and being misread.

[richard meyers]

I suppose my position too, is as you both own, fear of conformity and fear of getting it wrong and of being excluded (excommunicated!) somehow not met, or accepted by others, and this almost unconsciously on my part. Robert and Katrien - you've both in some way got my number... struggling with "trusting that I'm good enough in my uniqueness.." I sometimes think it's wise to leave it a day or two, to allow what has been said to sink in, to reread what has been to some extent assimilated and then reply.

'ego' -" this old meyers ego" - that has helped and hindered this body speech and mind, these many years - has I hope grown more malleable in the trial of circumstance and difficulty. Having taken a few knocks, made countless mistakes, and hurt people I love.. bombu measureless as Amida is compassionate, sits at his computor and does his best to be honest and real. More malleable but still stubbornly reactive, fearful and clutching at straws in the hope of being able to draw clear breath through one, see clearly the blue light of day through another... In my striving to meet each of you here in this queer space called ning I begin to learn to trust.

With palms together, to you in both your hemispheres (what an increble thing the internet is!) -
Namo Amida Bu

[Robert McCarthy]

yes to you both there katrien and richard- i have a strong fear of confomity through surrender to authority. and a strong fear that much ego gets caught up in this too. very tricky. a good example-you mention practice richard- much of my practice is spent lying on my back with a rolled towell between my shoulder blades, a postural aid that works with practice time. not very grounded, maybe it hampers practice, it woudnt look so good in a temple, certainly in a thai one, and what ego gets involved. but after 20 mins in traditional posture, i slouch. a small thing to share. but even while direction is toward finding our particular voice in practice, form can be narrowed by the complexity needed to allow this to flower. Also the balance between our position in learning about this path and finding practice that is actually waking us to the other, in being open to guidance is itself a trust to the other; a knowing submitting to authority.

[Katrien Sercu]

When i hear sometimes the sundayservice at TBH by ning Richard, then i'm touched by the different voices and rythmes that i hear, so human in vulnerability and uniqueness, with faults and laughing because of that. All unique people that chant together with their own voice, vibration and emotion and they influence the other and the whole ànd they're influenced by the others and the whole, in interdependency and equality. I don't hear a perfect one-voiced choir, where all uniqueness is gone.
But i recognise this fear, that we have to go into the 'right' direction, in conformism (as we had to do as child). When we'll not do that, then we'll be excluded...the never-ended struggle between being unique/individual and alone or to be conformed and connected (and maybe lost). In Amida-buddhism i feel both: being unique and being connected... but i need really time to trust that i'm good enough in my form of uniqueness, so that i'm worthy to really may connect with Amida Friends....old patterns. Also the trust in Love and Amida's love is growing: 'just as it is; just as we're'...so new, even i hear this now for 7 years.

[richard meyers]

Just to add a couple of things by way of sharing my understanding about practice. This is strictly my own take on things and I make no attempt at being authoritative.

Though we all sing our nembutsu's we are not all singing in the same key. My Bombu nature is my individuality. The Purland is not a place where we all go around clad in the same shade of garment. Even in Simons photo of the roomful of Order members robes, they were all in subtly different shades of red.

The heart is one Heart, but we retain our own vibrant individuality, don't we? And we can disagree, whilst sharing the same basic worldview, without arguing. The thought of being an angel in heaven, with all the others "singing God's praises" - (or singing Nembutsu's for that matter), all dressed in our golden robes, turns me right off.

Still we pray, we do perform our nembutsu in our own way, in our own voice. A community is made up of an array of seperate people. An orchestra of uniquely different instruments from which we hear Bach, or a Dawn Chorus of birdsong. In a way I'm reminded of the parable of the blind men and the elephant - each describes his own take on what is real.

Namo Amida Bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Fine! Then our nose is pointed in the same direction, as with other Amida Friends i guess. Much joy and love in it, Richard!

[richard meyers]

Dear Katrien,

I one hundred percent agree with your words! It is this that I too love about Amida Buddhism. I feel also that Amida Buddhism in a way transcends itself! This love is beyond words or labels. Of late I have come to a realisation that my previous understanding re 'enlightenment' may have been faulty.. Ihave always interpreted the much spoken of kensho, satori, enlightenment experiances, as seeing into our inate uncluttered prior to conditioning pristine open being.. if I speak of perfection (not a good word as open to all manner of interpretation), it is this clarity to which I refer. I'm still uncertain, but that this is what is alluded to in the literature of Zen for example. I have myself no longing for wonderful experiances of transcendant perfection. If I long for anything it is the freedom of my own humanity, my own humanbeingness, bombu foolish, felt and expressed with openness, heartwarm and in common with others. What I see as important is learning to be with my foolish nature kindly, with a good pinch of humour, and being that way with other people too. At times I make hard work of it I admit but it is this to which... I was going to say "my nose is pointed"!

Namo Amida Bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Maybe Richard i miss now 'the nut inside the outer shell of what you said'...but...do you say that true perfection in an ultimate sense is what buddhism is about? My nature and heart rear by that, without denying that you may hope it. I only want to express to you my passion in that, Richard.
What i soooooo love in Amida Buddhism is that perfection does not exist and will never exist, as long as we're human beings, conditioned by body, speech and mind. This imperfection - our bombu nature - makes space for Other Power: to open ourself in a relation to Other Power, without the illusion that we ever become this Other power, despite we learn to live a more loving and wholesome life. We try this and always we'll fail, fall, miss...without fault, guilt or shame. Amida completes in an unconditional way what we do in a conditional way. Or do i see it wrong? Please tell me.