I lost my wallet yesterday. It had £235 in it, which is no small amount to me, along with all my cards & a little photo of me and Kaspa when we first met.
I had it in a church on Friday evening, and I discovered it wasn't in my handbag yesterday evening. I've checked all over the house, called the church and logged it with the police.
What it has shown me is how hopelessly, helplessly attached I am to all kinds of things I can't rely on.
I am upset because I earned £200 from my first art exhibition yesterday, and it feels like this loss has somehow 'cancelled out' all the work (& nerves!) involved. I am upset because I want to see myself as a competent person who doesn't lose things. I am upset because I am VERY attached to the idea of money being a reliable source of security.
It didn't cancel out the art success. I am the kind of person who loses things. Money doesn't keep me safe.
I beat myself up for a while earlier - if I was a better Buddhist I would just let my wallet go, without any fuss. Then I was nicer to myself.
Maybe my wallet will come back to me, maybe it won't. Maybe I'll be upset for longer, maybe I won't. It's all okay. All of my attachments, when I experience their unreliability, point me towards the infinite light, which never stops loving and accepting and which is shining on my wallet too, wherever it is. It's shining on you too.
Hearts by Emily Dimov-Gottshall via CC with gratitude