Mentoring on the Spiritual Path

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Comment by Katrien Sercu on October 18, 2009 at 12:17pm

Hi stan, it must be very very sad - what a word is right here?- to lose a child. Namo Amida Bu, i bow for you.
Will you ever know for what reason this happen? Is this important? Maybe to give peace to the mind and rest into heart? How can you remain connected with the loving life, while overwhelmed sometimes by grief? I hope you can feel sometimes the Love of Amida in that, even in sadness, anger and dispair, so normal and real human in this situation; just accepting all waves of emotions and thoughts, in the big emotional and spiritual container that life can be.

Comment by stan salmon on October 16, 2009 at 6:24pm

my heart felt thanks to everyone for your understanding and for your sincere advice,we are trying to live with our loss in the best way that we can- obviously there are times when the weight of our grief becomes too much for us, i honestly believe that things happen to us for a reason some people call it karma, i believe there are times when life teaches us lessons.i believe this happend to teach us real compassion - to soften our hearts, to ultimately make us more loving more compassionate people, thank you all again, namu amida bu.

Comment by Wendy Haylett on October 16, 2009 at 4:44pm

I feel the pain and grief of your loss, Stan. I cannot imagine the loss of a child. All losses in my life have seemed to totally alter who I am, as if rearranging myself around some unknown something that continually changes and shape shifts.

Yet, in some ways it is very peaceful and reminds me of the peace I felt when the Pureland / Shinshu path first embraced me (it embraced me, not I it). It is very much like how I felt when first discovering The Feeling Buddha... a moment of balance in acceptance of the total compassionate loving core of Amida - infinite life, infinite light, infinite love - and the utter pain and confusion of our human state. It is the non-dual oneness of those two states that gives me peace.

I hope it offers you and your wife a moment of peace.

In Oneness,

Wendy Shinyo

Comment by Freya M on October 16, 2009 at 4:40pm

At the risk of stating the obvious, I was thinking earlier how mentoring might be seen as a one-way process, with the mentoree seeking guidance and knowledge from the mentor. Of course it is that, but it is also a valuable two way process, as I know from my days mentoring social work students. To mentor someone with a fresh and enquiring mind is an invigorating experience, in which one may find one's own beliefs/practice are challenged for the better, and in which one may well find that one doesn't know all the answers but has to look for them!!

Comment by Freya M on October 16, 2009 at 4:34pm

Stan, quite by chance I came across this short talk about death and dying by Dharmavidya on http://amidatrust.typepad.com/amidashu/a8_dharma_teachings/ If you scroll down the page you will come to a heading "Two short audio dharma talks" and the one I mean is called "Love is Unborn". To everyone else who maybe hasn't found this (now defunct I think) Amida Trust website, there are still many hidden gems within it to explore!

Comment by Robert McCarthy on October 16, 2009 at 1:45pm

dear stan, i am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your son. i am also a relative newcomer here stan, this path is about intensity of feeling, of joy and of grief. we stay open to love and we know its pain. namo amia bu

Comment by Heather Woollard on October 16, 2009 at 1:42pm

First allow me to express my

deepest sympathies for the passing

of your son. As a mother myself I

imagine this must be one of life's

greatest losses.

I wanted to share with you my

thoughts on non-attachment as you

mention it in relation to your

grief. I think that non-attachment

is a concept introduced to loosen

the grip of attachment- but still

just a concept. I think the heart

of this teaching comes only from

laying aside ideas about both

attachment and non-attachment. This

is my first thought.

In exploring this line of thinking

you might want to consider what is

attachment? The word can have all

kinds of meanings but how does it

create suffering? When attachment

equates to clinging and grasping it

can be painful. As a concept Non-

attachment also creates suffering.

When you push aside thoughts and

feelings, when you reject them, or

actively try to destroy or avoid

them...

So any attempts to cling to, to

grasp, to possess or to have

something...to avoid or get rid of

something...these all cause

suffering.

One of the five basic precepts is

Do Not Kill. I think practicing

this precept is your real world

answer to grief. To kill is not

limited to murder, or killing

animals...you can kill just about

anything. You can kill compassion,

you can kill grief. You can kill

acceptance. Or you can try...

usually the suffering comes from

the trying. Trying to kill

something that can not be killed.

If we dont allow then we suffer when events happen and we suffer when we try to control events that we cannot control.
Allowing means not suffering twice.

When we stop killing we allow. We dont have to like it... We might even hate it. So we allow those feelings of hate... Anything that rises up we allow.

I'd be happy to talk some more about this if you find it helpful...

With Metta,
Heather

Comment by Wendy Haylett on October 16, 2009 at 1:37pm

Thank you for starting this group, Dharmavidya, We have been exploring a similar concept within Bright Dawn as a service activity for our Lay Ministers. We are in the initial planning stages. It would be wonderful to serve as "back-up" spiritual mentors to those seeking mentorship through either group.

Comment by stan salmon on October 16, 2009 at 12:53pm

I and my wife are both grieving deeply for the loss of our wonderfull son he passed nearly two years ago., as a relative newcomer to pureland buddhism and a grieving farther how do i come to terms with this terrible loss, how are buddhists supposed to cope with grief, the buddha taught that one should practice non attachment but in the real world how on earth do we apply this teaching, perhaps a mentor could help me understand this, Amidas blessing to you all.

Comment by Freya M on October 16, 2009 at 11:12am

Dharmavidya, I can't help wondering if the formation of this group is a response to our conversation last Sunday? If it is, I am glad and if it isn't I am still glad! In my Christian past I had experience of having a "Spiritual Director" and I think it was because of how valuable I found that relationship that I was eager to explore something similar. Even though I am lucky enough to be able to come to TBH regularly, I have a lot of questions which I don't like to ask because everyone seems so busy (and probably, if I'm honest, because I don't want to display the extent of my bombu (ignorant) nature to all and sundry - sigh!). If I had a designated mentor I would feel more able to be proactive and open with them. Interesting (to me) initial ideas to explore in this group would be a) how are a mentor/mentoree assigned to each other - should they be "matched" in some way, or just allocated as space/time allows and should the potential mentoree have a say in the matter? b) should it be an informal arrangement or should the mentor/mentoree meet on a regular basis - or could it just be flexible depending on needs and time constraints?
Thanks for starting the group - Namo Amida Bu!

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