Trying to live as an pupil-buddhist in a non-buddhistic environment.

[Katrien Sercu]

I like to share experiences from people like me, who try to live as a (pupil-)buddhist in a non-buddhistic environment. People in my daily life have absolutely no problems with the basic buddhistic way of life and the human attitude, that I learn from the Amida-buddhistic inspiration. The 'problems' come when I say something about Buddhism: then I meet fear, suspicion as if I have a hidden mission, mockery...Sometimes it is good to say something about buddhism, but mostly it seems better that I am silent and just act, without words. Sometimes this is right, but sometimes it is little bit cowardly....with fear that people will reject me because of my choice...What is usefull and what is not?
I know that there are no answers, but I live daily with this questions.. Surely other people too?
Please read this trough all the english faults!

[Maiku]

Hi, Katrien, ....not sure what might be going on there. Sometimes I think it depends on where we live. I have Buddhist friends in the American Bible Belt and they tend to have similar problems. You are in Belgium and since I know nothing of Beligium I can not say. I know that where I live in Canada, many people are excited to find out that I am a Buddhist and I am invited to speak or talk at length on the subject. I am curious... could you tell us more about the general religious environment in Belgium?

thanks,
Maiku

[Robert McCarthy]

hi Maiku, Maybe also it depends on who you are. I read a recent post of yours and see that you have lead a very disciplined life and accordingly your friends are respectful of you, open to what you say. only a few years back i did a few years of karate and loved the discipline and respect for tradition. but then i got occupied elsewhere-it was a difficult discipline to start in middle age. but my teacher lead a simple life, devoted to his art and he showed me loving kindness, helped me to let go, pointed out by example a path.

[Katrien Sercu]

Thank You Robert: different nature, different temperament and lifestyle...Your last sentence touches me...this is more my way and I need discipline and love to do this on a foolishbeing way. Namo Amida Bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Thanks Maiku for your question. And yes from a historical point of view, Belgium is occupied during centuries, by the Romans, the Franks, Germany, Spain, Austrië, France, Holland...Then the battle/suppression between the French and Flamish people in Belgium. And then the catholic influence during centuries. So a Belgian is very sensitive to religion, oppression, lose of freedom, repression of feeling or ideas. Also trying to live from the heart seems a little bit 'alternative', what can cause many prejudices....
But..I'm also a Belgian with all this influences and maybe this makes that I'm so sensitive to suspicion. I'm so glad with all this reactions! I'm not only cowardly...a get chances to grow.
Namo Amida Bu

[Kuvalaya]

Hello Katrien, I think this is a very good question that you raise. And I'm interested in what people say.

For me, since some of my family members are Catholic and I do not think they would respond well to my conversion to Buddhism, I spent the first year or so feeling uncomfortable to mention my Buddhist beliefs and kept them very much to myself. I am now more comfortable being open with people. Recently I have started a new job and find myself having to go through the whole process again of explaining to people that I don't drink/smoke, am Buddhist, vegetarian and don't have a television (ok, so that's not a precept, it's just a lifestyle choice that also takes some explaining). My personal approach to this is to allow these things to come out slowly and nearly always in response to a direct question, such as "What are you doing this evening? " "Meeting with my buddhist group." :)

This way I've been honest in a simple, straightforward way that hopefully shouldn't make someone uncomfortable. And I've found that slowly, after my new colleagues have gotten to know me, they start to ask more questions about what being a Buddhist means or why I'm vegetarian/non-drinker, etc. I'm always happy to explain more (in the best way I can!!), but I feel that one of the most important things is to make it clear that I am doing this because I believe it is the right thing for me and I hold no judgement for those who don't agree and don't live that way. I grew up in a neightbourhood that always had one religious group or another knocking on your door to let you know that you're doomed, but that luckily they're here to offer you the path to salvation. It has made me extremely concious of making sure that the person I'm talking to understands that I see faith as a personal thing and, while I'm very happy to share, I'm not pushing my beliefs to them. I'm not trying to imply that you are making the people around you feel that way, just that I find that people are very sensitive to such things so I make an extra effort to be careful.

It can be difficult because I feel such inspiration from my lifestyle choice that I want to share, but I don't know, it would seem that sometimes actions speak louder than words. So I content myself with trying to follow my inspiration quietly.

Namo Amida Bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Thank you very much Rachel! You have the right words for what I feel on a intuïtive way.
Your sentence 'because it is the right thing for me' brings me to myself: I make a choice and I try to live on this buddhistic way, with support of Amida Trust and the sangha. I stay open to others, with other choices, without fear (I try!!) that either they or we are right or wrong...It are choices with consequences and I only have to follow this in silence, in action or with a word.
I don't have so much the need to speak about my inspiration! It is more that sometimes one says: "how can you do this so gentle or how can you forgive this..." (in my work). Then, when I'm honest then I have to say that Amida-buddhism give me the support, the power and the love to realize this, in that moment (not always). It's not only me that seems to be a good person...it is possible by the grace, love and the light of Amida. But...I have no words to say this on a sincere way..Maybe this grows...if it is good.
I'm soooo glad with all this: sharing about the way of dailt live. Thanks!

[Robert McCarthy]

Dear Katrien, I think its a christian thing- ask and you will receive. I just went into "an observation" and responded to your post hoping you would start this discussion and you already have.
There is no problem with the reaction of people. People, myself included, develop a more guarded phone behaviour because of all the cold calling to sell you things. same with religion- too much history of in your face self righteous people telling you how you should behave. and combined with the modern worship of the sceintific rational.
and your answer is mine. and not cowardly- as loving kindness grows in our lives, some people we know may notice, may even ask what on earth is happening. I want to talk of this thing that starts to take me, now two close friends feel touched by amida, a few others welcome talking. I wrote in a notebook the passages that seemed to resonate for me- to give to a grieving friend. but i carry the notebook in my bag for weeks. it seems too assuming, it may cause pain for her, and now i have these passages always close at hand. Another friend during last year became greatly angered at the mention that i turn to buddha and in disbelief denounced me. Generally, reactions are muted, but they happen. For me, i have many friends who i know do not want to hear. thats fine. A friend who is very wealthy and a vet has a partner who establishes a thai sangha in melbourne. He phone the other night and heard amida chanting. despite our frequent conversations on buddhism, he was astounded to realize i practice. this engages my ever reliable ego a bit, what am I doing? but then i start to know what i am doing. Namo amida bu.

[Kuvalaya]

I think you hit on a very real point there, Robert.

People, myself included, develop a more guarded phone behaviour because of all the cold calling to sell you things. same with religion. too much history of in your face self righteous people telling you how you should behave. and combined with the modern worship of the sceintific rational.-

I see this as well. Many people are afraid or tired of religion and so shut out the beautiful possibilities of faith in their lives. They then turn to science or simply to nothing. And I can understand! I feel that faith requires an opening of the heart that is sooo difficult sometimes. Sometimes I feel myself thinking "I just wish I didn't care so much!" Complete shut down seems like it would be blissful oblivion.

But that's like an amputation of the soul, so I'll carry on.

[Katrien Sercu]

I'm glad Rachel, that I care so much! So I cannot shut down all this...
How would it be to live without love and light and animation and inspiration and care and support and joy and gratitude and the longing to understand and feel...this must be dark!

[Modgala Duguid]

Dear Rachel, lovely to hear your voice - I am glad you will carry on!
And Robert, Gerald and Katrien lovely to hear your sharings.
I cringe when i remember my early days and was so over enthusiastic!! Still can be at times and funily i now understand more the cold callers etc. i used to condemn in the 20 years I rejected all religion very angrily. But as the years go on in Amida I learn from my friends here.
I was very isolated in northern scotland in my first years with amida and that is why i got involved in phoning and linking up members then, Now i see ning offereing the same opportunity and though I have little time at present I love to see these sharings developing. and see you all growing in faith.
thank you all
with love
Modgala

[Katrien Sercu]

Thank You to!
Namo Amida Bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Dear Robert! I'm so glad with all this presents here, that I want to answer every one. I'm pretty lucky in my life that I rarely meet cold calling, selling, scientific and behaviour advice..but now, writing this, I feel fear for this side of live. As if it could damage the warm, heartly, loving side of (my?) live...I know that live is both and more...I'm not afraid of problems, pain, suffering, but of the hard and cold manner to live or work with this. But it asks enough strenght to stay rightup in confrontation with the cold and hard way of live.
If I have the reflection to say 'namo Amida Bu' before I clam up, then I can accept and stay gentle and mild (trying..). I appreciated how you can describe the different reactions of people in your life without judging. Often my judgements come more quickly than I want! Namo Amida Bu.. When I read your comment, I feel a power in the way you can stay open to positive and negative reactions from people/friends..it seems without pain? I believe that the discipline and the time to say the Nembutsu gives a buttum to remain in a loving and sincere way. But again, I must be honest that I often let me throw forward by live (work, children, father, friends, society...) and then the reflections (good-bad/plesant-painfull) are quicker than the reaction to realise the Nembutsu...It is like that: I made a choice for the Amida-shu and I like to take the consequences for my lifestyle, but....I'm on the path, in the beginning and I like to follow it, with support of you all and of Amida.