An experiment: a longer Nembutsu 'Namo Amida Bu for the benefit of all'.

[Katrien Sercu]

I like to share following experience. Maybe there are some people who recognise this or who have other experiences. This experience came during the rich discussion "trying to be a pupil-buddist in a non-buddhistic world", when I was meditating, sitting and working.
I know that all 'my' questions are 'ego-questions', but...nevertheless they are there in my head and I'm not always aware of them. I get tired of all this: a tired foolisch being!. I was meditating, breathing Namo A (breathing in) mida Bu (out) and the energy and bloodstream flow trough my whole body and I feel connected all around: a big round breath. After this, I said breathing 'for the benefit (in) of all' (out) and this was a little breathing, especially from the heart. My heart feels totally open, full of rest and love. My body was relaxed. I could let go all the headquestions...I stay more aware from what happens.
And then I continue: Namo Amida Bu (breathing in) for the benefit of all (breathing out) and it works on a deep, big, warming and relaxing way. I life now with this experience and it influences all contact on a loving way. This experience will not be infinite, but now it works. Thanks! Namo Amida Bu...for the benefit off all.

[Katrien Sercu]

Maybe my experience is not useful or recognizable, only personal? Maybe it does not matter what happens in the body, when I say the Nembutsu? But...for me it is important. When I get persuaded by the working of Namo Amida Bu in my bones, cells, muscles, veins, bloodstream, skin..then I absorbe it totally and it works trough my body in the world, natural and simple. When I say after 'for the benefit of all' this energy streams outside my body and heart into the world, to the people I work with, to friends, garden, wind. Then I feel bodily the interactiion between all in life, myself included: connected and loving.
When I feel something bodily, then it works more intense. So when I meet something that works more bodily, I use this, like the experience with 'for the benefit of all'. And ...this was my question in this discission: is this recognizable, a pitfall, work of the ego or a good instrument to accept more deep the grace of the Nembutsu? I try this discussion once again...but after this, I let it go and then...sorry for..yes for what? Namo Amida Bu

[Robert McCarthy]

dear katrien, i am fairly new to nembutsu practice, and i am drawn to such discussions. I really feel my body at particular times. when i practice mindfulness, well its often enough full of my mind for sure. but with that awareness, and providing the mind intrusion has left me still settled, i usually practice nembutsu before returning to mindfulness. It is at that time that i have a stronger awareness of my body as i too inhale to namu. namu amida bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Dear Robert, thanks for sharing. I'm also pretty new with the Nembutsu. Maybe that's a reason why I'm aware of new sentations...that give questions. Therefore I dear to ask you: can you also feel that this stronger awareness of your body helps to root the nembutsu, to carry it as in a body-container in life? Until now, it seems I need this, in order that the meaning and influence of the nembutsu is not too fleeting. As if body, speech and mind are more connected then, so that the actions, words/toughts and feelings are similar with each other, receiving the reality and the grace of Amida? Trying to live a more wholesome life, where words and thoughts works trough the psychological and physical body and the environment?
I'm a pupil-buddhist! If I could follow the course of buddhistic psychology, maybe I did not ask such questions.
But I'm happy with this ningsite, that I can talk about it, seeking what is essential and what not...thanks! Namo Amida Bu.. for the benefit of all.

[Robert McCarthy]

dear katrien, nembutsu is very much a mystery with me. sometimes i sense the nembutsu happening- awareness only, no words and no will to begin it. sometimes i find the words just happening in my head, no willing, no apparent passion, even in a dream sometimes ,sometimes i write or say something or hear or see something and realize thats nembutsu- just a recent post to you concluded, (when writing about intimacy in trust) whats personal a little bit becomes whats universal a little bit. sometimes i visualize amida, sometimes i look at nature- full moon today by the way was lovely- sometimes i look at the supermarket i am in. and sometimes in passion and love i sense my head emptying and look in awe. it does start to hold me through the day. sometimes nembutsu when i have body awareness, sometimes in despair, sometimes in fun.
i do try to open my heart in love of all encounter, big call for me for sure. i slowly feel my heart and resonate namu, sensing my chest, my life and slowly begin a release into amida into bu, a body lightness that i sense moving into my head ,to light to love of whats beyond myself and my knowing. thats the mystery, faith grows and there is no understanding how or why.
thats my personal experience- now shared. i am sure katrien there is no right or wrong way. just our best intention in the circumstance we find ourselves. i felt like asking some amida people with great experience, in fact i have now i reflect- but thats not my experience and again just our best intention is all we have, intention to turn to amida. maybe two months ago i realized i trust amida people, a trust mainly from several books that began a life in me, i am in safe hands in the books. but for 18 months previously i only sometimes began nembutsu- i was too much the agnostic for such stuff. finally i let go and did it. now i always go nembutsu as my mind doubts it, often enough too. its a softening of our guard, analysis i fear turns us back to our guard. its gentle, its fleeting and sustaining. but i believe our guard grows in its absence, well while we are in the stream. one thing it certainly doesnt seem to do is leave me speechless! i must say i sense after this post even my ego will hold me in nembutsu because of the damage it would suffer in turning back- namo amida bu

[Katrien Sercu]

Thank you Robert. You write so careful, precise, near of how it goes. You say: I always "go" nembutsu...You say not: I say or I think or I feel the nembutsu...you "go" nembutsu..This takes my body, speech and mind with! Thank you. Yes....nembutsu is gentle, fleeting and sustaining.

Sunday we had our Belgian sangha and we meditated together in a group of 14 friends. Then...I did not need the sentence 'for the benefit of all'; because I was in a group, connected with the others and so with life? I feel the same when I chant or walk or bow the nembutsu (even alone)...then I need not this second sentence. So it works, just singing Namo Amida Bu...when I move or sing or bow or when I 'm not alone meditating. Maybe I'm too isolated, just sitting in silence, so that I need something that makes me bigger, openminded to the benefit for all? O.K., it is like that...it makes me more awaken. Namo Amida Bu.
Just to trust...no constant control, no constant fear..it is so new and so different than my bodily and psychological habits, but it is so good, simple, softly, pleasing. I'm so grateful of that, Robert. I try things that I never did before, because of fear and...it just works. Thank you Trust, Faith, Love, Light..life becomes more simple. This chairing with you and with others helps me in a kind way, to become awaken, openminded, little step by step, without I have to know and to understand. Even the light and the nature and the villages on the way in my car to my work this morning were so sparkling....after work I forgot it! I just drived home, without seeing.
This change came a month before the ceremony for Amida-shu on 26 april '09...amazing... now 6 weeks ago. Warm greetings!

[Pundarika (orna)]

Thank you for sharing this meaningful experience with us.
Namo Amida Bu for the benefit of all!

Orna

[Katrien Sercu]

Namo Amida Bu, for the benefit of you... and all.
Warm greetings, Katrien