addiction recovery

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Comment by dean haywood on October 8, 2009 at 9:46am

that whole which we all try to fill just gets bigger with addiction.we all try to fill it with outside things and experiences,i have had many relationships been married twice divorced twice,you cuuld say that was like a sex addiction because i never felt whole unless i was in a relationship,i ended my last relationship in june.iam now spending time alone to get to know me. i have found the only way to fill that whole is from within,with,peace,love and faith.not easy at first but its getting better each day.

Comment by Will on October 8, 2009 at 8:34am

It has been interesting to read everyone else’s experience and views on this subject.
It is always such a complex a personal thing that gets us into what ever our poison is in the 1st place, but the two main things that seem to link it all together is often we are hiding from something or trying to fill a “gap” or “hole” with something, drugs, sex... it they do this job... for a time. But in the end as we all know it makes things worse.
And sex addition I feel is the hardest one, one that has been with me the longest.
All your comments have been very insight full and interesting to read. I would have more to say but, I have much to do and my head fills rather slow today.

Comment by Robert McCarthy on October 4, 2009 at 10:17pm

well i have a few more comments to richard and will. many people see a turning to the spiritual path from the hallucinogens, me too. but these ones soon have an adictive side too, strongly compelling to hide there.
but i wanted to talk of your bravery in talking here of sex addiction. because this is so often the underlying one that we try to fuel with substance abuse. and it is so mara- this addiction is all about objectifying the world that amida shows us to reach out to in compassionate love. yes dean thank you so much for this group.

Comment by dean haywood on October 4, 2009 at 9:59pm

i must thank you all for your honesty it isnt easy to admit our misspent pasts but if others gain knowledge and learn from us,then we have something to offer namo amida bu, soon after disscussion with dharmavidya i shall put a twelve step programme of recovery on this group and other information of addictive substances .

Comment by richard meyers on October 4, 2009 at 3:11pm

I've been perusing this discussion and wondering whether or not to join in. It;s certainly something I recognise. Substance abuse on my part during the 60's and 70's took many forms. The one that did most damage was probably the most addictive (heroin) eventually leading to trouble with the police etc. The cotton woolling of my life and the loss of all else in terms of what gave meaning to my existence. Love of music and poetry, wild places, friendships and a spirituality that touched the heart, all took second place. It was these things that finally I desired more than the euphoric distraction that drugs provide, for a while.

I discovered a broader persective via a certain hallucinagenic experiance which changed my life and lead to my taking up meditation and eventually psychotherapy. Meeting the person that became my wife and having a family, this has been the biggest grace to hit me. Not that I am totally free of wanting to fill the void with any number of things, as we know addiction takes many forms, even reading and compulsively buying books! And yes sex too, since childhood has been used in this way.

For many years, having known so many didn't make it, I felt a certain complacency in that I had got through scott free - I discovered recently that (as I have mentioned elsewhere) I have hep c and this I know is due to the karmic consequences of my misspent youth!

Having links with Amida London I also consider as an act of Grace - the little Sangha that meets and chants the Nembutsu in recognition of foolish beingness and the light within which we abide, sits in meditation and offers sharing and friendship to this reprobate being.. for this despite my doubts and wavering I say Namo Amida Butsu. And thank you Dean for this Discussion.

Comment by dean haywood on October 3, 2009 at 11:28pm

thanks for your comments rob and will. i lived a life devoted to addictions to try and fill an emptiness i felt inside, it wasnt until i realised those addictions caused that emptiness that i could change, today i accept iam not perfect and never will be bombu nature of humans, but today i try to replace my addictions will things that not only bring me peace but also help others,thats why i started this group,a network of helping others helps me, i find that if iam there for others instead of just thinking of myself that brings me peace and a purpose to life.today iav only one addiction this might sound twee but my addiction is to enjoy life and give love to others.by taking myself out off the equasion life is much better,i hope you both find peace and love. namo amida bu. if it will help if u want i will if you ask provide my phone number.

Comment by Robert McCarthy on October 3, 2009 at 10:37pm

hi will and dean, yes addictions are so wide and varied, one or two can seem to hold some people, some of us are able to drop an addiction, but soon fall into a new one. for me seeing them for what they are starts to reduce their hold. while this ning doesn't talk so much about particular addictions, or even addictions per se, the site is all about addictive behaviour. dukka samudaya the buddhist term for reaction to pain. we go hiding in our addictions, hiding from pain and our addictions themselves cause more pain. for me i find any addiction is a chase for the perfect feel, some experience from long ago i want again and will waste so much time and energy finding it. but its the time and energy i am wanting to waste, to avoid the pain i find every day- pain of loss, pain of sensing love but not living it, pain of so much suffering on the planet. those words -give it all up to amida- it seems easier to give up this sensory addiction we already know is a problem than the addiction to status, ownership, power that is so less understood as also an addiction, but is so often a life struggle to achieve.

Comment by Will on October 3, 2009 at 7:35pm

Hi, hope you are well?
yesss i know the details of cannabis, and i know how crazy it can make me. which is why i need to give it up. so hard tho, which makes me feel week truth be told cuz lets face it, it not drink or H.. but the psychological "bonds" i have made with it are very strong..
and yesss i think the sex thing getting on the obsessive side!, so i should really look into it..
it is such a frustraiting thing when ya know what ya doing is no good for you ya mind and others around you, yet you keep ya old ways going. i think that at times drives me nuts more than the weed!

Comment by dean haywood on October 3, 2009 at 1:39pm

hi will ,cannabis can be quite harmful, it causes bronchitis,lung damage,an other respiratory problems. also it causes psychosis which means you can slowly go mad with out even noticing it,cannabis is not classed as being physically addictive but it does cause psychological addiction,better not too smoke it mate i gave it up years ago,dont miss it at all, at far as sex addiction only you will know if your normal appetites for a natural human desire have become obsessive,but if it is causing you problems and making you anxious you could contact sex addicts anonymous you can find them on the internet.

Comment by Will on October 3, 2009 at 9:58am

hi!
nice to see a group on here of this type.
I have had a string of addictions that stretch back some 14 years, but it's too weed, which alot of people see as not being such a big thing to give up, not like "solids" or alcohol.
i am worried alcohol might become a problem too, but my social life is surounded by it, as my friends are big drinkers..
but i think the main one i fight with is sex addiction.. this might not be what this group is about, but it is an addiction and one i have been fighting a lossing battle with truth be told. any input would be welcome from people

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